Junk Food, Soul Food (Part 2 of 2)
By Niña Rica Marie L. Terol
My battle against the bulge has been a difficult one to fight--much less win--and the reason why it took me quite a while to write this sequel is that I wanted to make sure that I had enough moral ascendancy to share my thoughts.
Up until several weeks ago, it seemed as if I was on a downward spiral all over again. The repression that I had felt while being on a very strict, self-imposed diet was too much for my starved body to bear, and I began eating all my favorite things again--a bit of chocolate here, some pan de sal there, the occasional pizza and pasta--to try to regain a sense of self-control. The problem was that I wasn't in control of myself--my emotions were--and so I ate and I ate to fill a deep hunger for attention, approval, and emotional support.
It was then when I realized that the more I tried to become a "strong and independent woman" (by not seeming to need anyone, by taking on a lot of tasks by myself, by being outwardly stoic, and by pushing myself to my limits), the more my body craved for sweets, sleep, and sex (not the act itself, but the physical and emotional intimacy from which my fears and insecurities were keeping me). The more I tried to harden myself, the more that my softer, feminine side was crying out to be pampered. I was crashing myself and turning myself into a major wreck, and the people I loved also got hurt in the process.
Paul seemed to mirror my negative self-talk and destructive behavior. While I went on diets and starved myself, he went on binges and stuffed himself with pizza, burgers, softdrinks, candy, and everything that you shouldn't supersize. We spent all of our free time together watching DVDs and passing out on the couch--he because he could hardly get up anymore, and I because I didn't want to worry about what not to eat next. We weren't fighting; we didn't seem to have any problems; but I think we both knew that we were in a rut from which we couldn't rescue each other because neither of us had the physical nor emotional strength. It was a trying time for both of us, but we refused to acknowledge that something was wrong.
What helped to bring me out, little by little, were the meditation classes that I had been attending with my best friend since her traumatic breakup almost half a year ago. In learning more about higher spirituality and the energies that surround us and the Universe, I was also learning about how we can all break free from our self-imposed limitations and live our lives with deeper meaning and a higher purpose. In discovering my innate gifts and abilities, I was also discovering more about the world and the possibilities that lay all around me. I didn't have to be a slave to the scale if I didn't want to be--my world would certainly continue to revolve whether I gained or lost a pound. I just had to love, respect, and care for myself; and, in Paulo Coelho's words, the "Universe will conspire" to bring me closer to my goals.
Regular meditation and spiritual cleansing made me see that, indeed, my body is the temple within which my soul lies. If I destroy my body, everything else around me--including my dreams and aspirations, my relationships, and my work--would be destroyed as well. I had forgotten to live Stephen Covey's seventh habit ("sharpen the saw"), and it was time for me to make it up to this wonderful thing in which I had been born (flab and all).
I slowly let go of my diet, as well as of some other nasty habits that I had done with it, and began working out vigorously. (I couldn't really work out before because I hardly had the strength to run.) Although I gained a few pounds because of that, I also looked healthier and happier--and I also got more compliments from family and friends than I had gotten in the months leading up to that. Paul stopped calling me "skinny" and started calling me "sexy" (which I loved, of course!), and he, too, junked his junk and began working towards a healthier lifestyle.
In time, we even found ourselves attending meditation classes together, and our heightened and deepened sense of spirituality helped to strengthen our relationship with each other and with the people around us. We had gotten out of our rut, and we've got tanner, fitter bodies and sincerely serene smiles to prove it.Ü
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I didn't write this piece to junk the South Beach Diet and to discourage people from going on diets; in fact, I'm still a big SBD fan and I still adhere to some of its principles (though not as rigidly as I used to). What I did wrong, and which people shouldn't do, was to use diets and food to fill other gaps that needed to be addressed in my life.
I grew up with a poor self-image, and what I needed was a lot of encouragement, assurance, and support. I didn't really need a 24-inch waist (but God knows I'm still working out to get fitter), but I thought that by getting that I'd also get more nods of approval from people. As it turns out, I just needed to realize that my body isn't a machine, and that it needs a lot of care and respect (which doesn't automatically mean going on a fancy-sounding diet) so that I'd also get the care and respect that I deserve. Going on ultra-strict diets that I didn't really need just made me look more silly and pathetic, and it didn't improve my career or my relationships. Ultimately, it was soul food--not any other kind of food--that I really needed.
(But if you've got a bit of excess fat that needs to be trimmed, by all means, try South Beach. Just make sure you're doing it for the right reasons.)
